Quarrels with Myself

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Another reason not to move to the US

Just as I was wandering around sunny Bellevue, Washington, thinking life is easy here...I could be happy here...people are so friendly here...SO friendly...I was reminded that behind those large, crown-laden smiles, lies a values system to which I simply can't relate on any level.

As I went to cross Bellevue Way, I looked both ways to see no traffic on either side of the street. This was an important gesture since I was not at a crosswalk. Just as I stepped up onto the other side, a guy in a silver Mercedes sped by, rolled down his window and offered up some friendly Washington advice..."Use the crosswalk, you fucking faggot!". Now I am rarely, if ever, even remotely moved by angry epithets from people I have somehow inconvenienced. I normally feel a slight victory that I have unsettled them in some way. But this man's expression actually hurt me on a couple of levels. First of all, I am quite sure I don't wear my sexual orientation on my shirtsleeve. I have not really experienced open angry homophobia like that and it was genuinely painful to feel. But on second thought, since I can't figure out how he might have drawn any conclusions about me the person, maybe he just used the term fucking faggot as a generic expression of derision, disturbing in its own right, as he clearly thinks it is insulting to be called gay. I find myself wondering if he would have used different words had I been wearing an Islamic skullcap, or if I was black, or an orthodox Jew. Perhaps not, perhaps he calls everyone faggot when he is angry.

Then I got to pondering why the angry display. Had my behaviour caused this guy some inconvenience, forced him to slam on the brakes and scare his child, his reaction would have been completely understandable. But I had looked carefully to ensure there was no traffic before I crossed the street. This guy was nowhere to be seen, nor was anyone else. So I am left to conclude that the object of his rage was simply my decision to not use the crosswalk, nothing more. WTF??? This may sound like an hysterical assertion but, when I allow my mind to reflect upon the foundational values system that would drive such a reaction, I can't help but think of Nazi Germany.

The rules for the sake of rules mentality is one thing. Canadians, too, are famous for waiting for the crosswalk sign to change to walk even if there isn't a car in sight. Nothing offensive or sinister about that. What makes these Americans different is the under-current of rage directed at the people who don't play by the rules...not just someone who jaywalks....a man carrying a purse, or wearing a yarmulke, a white man holding hands with a black woman....you know the drill.

My American friends are all quick to point out the generalizations are not fair or accurate. But I am a firm believer in the adage "I do not believe in prejudices, but stereotypes don't rise out of a vacuum". My jaywalking experience is simply a symptom of a deeply entrenched, and deeply dysfunctional and toxic, values system that, at the other end of the slippery slope, says its okay for police to harass Mexican-looking people in Arizona, or for a progressive president to oppose same-sex marriage, or for virtually an entire society to sanction the death penalty, or to be unwilling to extend heathcare to 31 million of their fellow citizens. Even as I write this, I know that some of my American friends will read each of these examples and think "that's me and what's wrong with it?".

THAT is yet another reason why I will never live in the US.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

My Father'sTheme Songs

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

David's Funeral Music...for (distant) future reference

Dante's Prayer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDw3CyOmj20
Bright Eyes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MODq81_cDKI
Who Knows Where the Time Goes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2xODjbfYw8
If It Be Your Will http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtQys5Q9hjk&feature=related
We'll Meet Again http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHcunREYzNY
Prospero's Speech http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irBPubHzGKw

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Formula Baby

I

Boy, aren’t you cute
Formula Baby
Playing with Nanny
Wanting and teething
Pleased that you’re with us
Formula Baby
Mummy will be home at six.

Just look at you
Formula Baby
Make no commitments
Life’s a big maybe
Where do you stand
Formula Baby
How can you stand to be you?

How does it feel
Formula Baby
Life without bonding
Sex without dating
I don’t know you
Formula Baby
And you don’t know dick about life.

II

Now you’re a man
Formula Baby
Fearing your children
Keeping them begging
Where are you now
Formula Baby
And how will you find your way home?

You’re getting older
Formula Baby
Life’s just a gesture
Still no sensation
Time’s running out for you
Formula Baby
When will you ever be free?

Sorry you’re dead
Formula Baby
Didn’t achieve much
Never stopped waiting
Sure we will miss you
Formula Baby
But life does go on doesn’t it.

Friday, April 24, 2009

SCUM Manifesto

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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Sunshine in the Sky

No bitter rain
No desert dry
No crushing pain
Only sunshine in the sky

No old men wander through cold night
No sickly women wait to die
No war fires blaze brilliant and bright
Only sunshine in the sky

No lonely smoke in late night bars
No rabbit fear nor foxes sly
No strangers sit in steamy cars
Only sunshine in the sky

No oily shores
No hungry cry
No corporate whores
Only sunshine in the sky

Look up, look up
You children dear
And see beyond your frightened tears
Look up, behold the loving eye
Only sunshine in the sky.

Copyright 2009 John David Phillips

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

And I Moved by Pete Townsend

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6vvTaJVuiY

And I moved
As I saw him looking in through my window
His eyes were silent lies
And I moved
And I saw him standing in the doorway
His figure merely filled the space
And I moved
But I moved toward him

And I moved
And his hands felt like ice exciting
As he laid me back just like an empty dress
And I moved
But a minute later he was weeping
His tears his only truth.
And I moved
But I moved toward him