Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Smile!


While I promise to never mention the name of the useless waste of space currently sitting in an LA jail, I have always been fascinated by the intoxicating concept of fame. I have a long-standing fantasy of being a famous person who hates my fame. But that is for another day...

One of the more promising young actors these days, in my opinion, is Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who addresses the very issue of reluctant fame and fame-building as a commercial vehicle on his very fine website http://www.hitrecord.org/.

Read about his short film "Pictures of Assholes" and then watch the film:

http://www.hitrecord.org/picturesofassholes.php

Friday, June 15, 2007

People I hate more than Adolf Hitler....

Dick Cheney
Donald Trump
Victoria Beckam
Geena Davis
Bill Reilly
Peter Van Loan
Paris Hilton (LOVE Nicole though!)
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Pat Robertson (and the like...)
Radovan Karadžić
James Blunt

Thursday, May 10, 2007



So I just found out that Bob Switzer died a couple of years ago. Bob owned a used record store in downtown Halifax, Nova Scotia for many years. Taz Records. Bob was a local institution. I had him completely pegged the minute I saw him for the first time - the Jerry Lee Lewis hairstyle, the wayfarers with dark red lenses, black jeans and t-shirt, cigarette hanging from his mouth, the subtle intellectual lisp, and curmudgeonly disposition. Seemingly out of context in Halifax and yet perfectly embodying its simple goodness...like so many of its treasures. A woman pointed at a picture of the Killer on the wall and asked Bob if that was him. "That, ma'am, is a god!"

For years I would go in to Taz Records and make obscure requests - in part to try to impress Bob but mainly just to satisfy my own rather perverse musical needs - Billie Holliday, Mel Torme, the McGuire Sisters, Waylon Jennings, Al Jarreau...Roger Whitaker. And for years I received grumpy, resentful service - or was completely ignored.

Then one day I heard something by Rudy Vallee and instantly fell in love with the music of the twenties. Very hard stuff to find in the little city by the sea but I knew just where to go. Suddenly Bob Switzer, aka my new best friend, was walking me through the entire history of the Jewish American Theatre as he dug through bins pulling out LPs and throwing them at me like a scene from High Fidelity (Jack Black MUST have met Bob!). Sophie Tucker, Eddie Cantor, Al Jolson were all introduced to me -as though dear old friends of Bob - as he took me on a journey through their lives and careers, highs and lows, sharing stories and secrets I had no business knowing. How did he know? Surely one of the sweeter moments in life and I remember it well.

I never went to back to Taz after that day because I moved away to Toronto.....and because I feared we could never recreate the perfection of that encounter, which I had coveted for so long. But Bob, just as surely as the ocean and Point Pleasant Park, has always remained in my heart and memory. Like them, he was Halifax to me. And my heart aches a bit upon learning of his passing, because the Halifax that I knew and loved so much feels just a little further away.

Here is another perspective on Bob from a guy much closer to him, one of his former employees at Taz. I love the piece below because, in describing Bob, the writer really captures the beautiful essence of the man through the flaws and bullshit - even as he imparts an implicit sense of the magic of the land I love:

I received the news via email, from another ex-Haligonian living here in Vancouver. Bob was one of those larger than life characters one rarely encounters, and - like many of them, I'd imagine - his image overshadowed a great deal of detail about the man.

I worked for Bob at Taz Records in the late eighties. Bob was a legendary figure in Halifax, resembling the store's cartoon namesake, or, in my mind, an open-shirted Tom Waits topped with the hairdo of Jerry Lee Lewis, Bob's favourite performer. I was hired because I was young and into a lot of music Bob ignored, and, most importantly, because he knew he needed to provide his customers with some relief from his curmudgeonly demeanour. Bob could outdo himself at that, and I have friends - especially female ones - that shudder at the idea of a visit to his shop. He could be brusque, sarcastic, sexist, homophobic, intolerant and narrow-minded, but I'm often reminded that he seemed to enjoy slapping a Lenny Bruce LP on the shop's precariously placed turntable (indeed, anyone could put anything on; the turntable was fully accessible to anyone in the store). His generation prided itself on its 'sick' humour and some of Bob's worst characteristics came from consistently testing everyone around him. Even then, he offered a raised eyebrow to anyone else in the room he deemed smart enough to be playing to.

I learned that there was more than the hermit-like character I imagined sleeping in his store, which then appeared to be a converted residence at the base of Citadel Hill, caked with countless layers of cigarette smoke and ash and home to a bathroom that never, ever saw a light bulb. He taught school, worked in bridge construction, had already seen one record shop (with the surprisingly hippy-friendly name Rubber Soul) go out of business and was an inveterate reader, especially of history. Bob appeared to burn a little more brightly inside than most of his obsessive customers.
Bob's business sense reflected the ebb and flow of record collector mentality. He extended credit to an astonishingly large number of customers, aware that the resolve to drop in and repay a twenty-dollar purchase would result in yet another purchase to be repaid, and so on. Of course, Bob frequently lost his scrawled ledger and your personal sense of honesty would be tested when Bob misread an amount owed as a credit.

Bob was a generous character to those that he liked. I never paid for lunch in my time at the store, even if that meant a steady diet of gut-rotting donairs. Bob also liked to surprise some regulars by giving them whatever LPs they had on hold prior to Christmas. He loved a good dinner out, especially at the Chicken Tandoor, where he hosted boozy get-togethers of record dealers assembled for his Dartmouth record shows (which were invariably held on the weekend of the daylight-savings time change, so I'd arrive an hour late for work). If there was a shortage of Indian music to be found at Taz, it was because he passed on nearly every LP he found to the restaurant. If you went into the kitchen, you could see the turntable.

I don't recall taking a lot of pay from Taz, but I know I received an original Pye LP of Something Else by the Kinks for my first day's work. Working at Taz was an education, filled with names like Bullmoose Jackson, Travis Wammack, Screamin' Jay Hawkins and Louis Jordan and his Tympany Five. I also learned that any performer, regardless of their obscurity or perceived lack of quality, was somebody's absolute favourite, and that a world of music had slipped between the cracks of major labels and music retail chains. Bob and I liked to butt heads on the relative merits of our favourites - British bands, by his estimation, were "all fags" - and it was either youthful indiscretion or a desire to wind him up when I claimed the Fine Young Cannibals version of "Suspicious Minds" was superior to the original. A heated debate was once interrupted by the New York Dolls' appropriation of "Someone's in the Kitchen with Dinah" on "Subway Train". You can't argue while chuckling.
Long after my time at the store, I invited Bob to participate in a Desert Island Discs program I was producing for CKDU. It may have been a desire to class things up, or challenge people's perceptions of him, but Bob included E. Power Biggs playing Bach's Tocatta and Fugue, a classical piece, with the Jerry Lee and PJ Proby. It ran nearly a full album side, far longer than we could accommodate in a one-hour program. I doubt this was a lack of familiarity with the material, but rather the fact that this music transported Bob so thoroughly that its length never occurred to him.

When I decided to leave Halifax for Vancouver, I financed the move of most of my records and CDs by selling a portion of my collection. Bob reviewed what I had and offered $1000 dollars, significantly more than any other shop - and the approximate cost of the move. I think it was his way of wishing me well. In keeping with his usual practice, he paid me in cash (from the wad he liked to carry wedged into the pocket of his unfeasibly tight jeans) on the night I was leaving in a pub.
Years later, I saw him on a visit to the Maritimes. Naturally, I found him outside the Library. I was pleased that he still had that inquisitive nature that drove him into the books. He was frustrated with the state of downtown Halifax and, indeed, his store was suffering a blackout that afternoon, but he was happy in a relationship. He seemed to say we both weathered the bumps life offered, but had done well for ourselves.

In Almost Famous, Cameron Crowe has his Penny Lane character explain that a real music fan can never be lonely, because they can visit a record shop and see all their friends (a line I'd imagine that had a long gestation before Crowe found the opportunity to express it). It's a touching sentiment but it also alludes to the loneliness of the LP listener. We are transported by the music we love and, often, it speaks to us about the goodness in humanity in a way day-to-day existence fails to do, but stacks of records can be a wall we throw up to keep people away.
Bob taught me that there is a lot to appreciate in this world. He was a character to be grateful for and I wish he were still here.

http://www.missyp.com/bobswitzer/index.php

Monday, March 5, 2007

Escape Artist

Old box,
Chains and locks,
Magic lair, putrid air,
Contrived night, shafts of light
Peer through musty cracks;
Back pain, blood stains,
Prideful fear, sweaty tears;
Fists beating against ancient panels,
Holding onto the dream.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

RIP

So long, old man. I will miss you - on some level;
of that, have no doubt.
The void within me is palpable,
and grows with each moment....when I think about it...creeps up on me.
Funny how the overwhelming feeling I get when I lose a loved one
is guilt.
What is that?
Guilt that I am still alive while you're dead?
Guilt that I didn't love you enough?
Or that I disappointed you?

Speaking of which, my biggest regret is all the questions you never answered,
all of which will go with you to the grave, I guess.
Of course, all I really wanted to know was where I stood with you.
Was I a total disappointment? Did I ever please you?
Were you listening all those times I poured my heart out to you?
Did I make the right choices...ever?
Did you love me?

I used to wonder what life would have been like without you.
Whether you knew it or not, you were a guiding force for me -
certainly not the only one, and I may not have shown it in my behaviour,
but your presence in my life did impact my choices and actions.
I once asked myself "if he weren't around, would I be a different person?"
Would I be a good person? Would that even matter..to me or to anyone else?
I guess I'm about to find out.

Well...no worries about your memory, your legacy.
There will be books and monuments and music.
You will never be forgotten. Does seem like a bit of a waste though.
Things could have been so different.
Don't get me wrong - you lived a long life and did a lot of good.
But so much of it was misunderstood or manipulated.
In the end, I don't think most people really ever got you at all.
I thought I did - many times - but I could never be sure.
Why couldn't you just have made me sure...in light of all that you did?
Big bangs and spider's webs.
Eventually, other things lured my thoughts away.
Oh well, time to move on.
So long, God...
rest in peace.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Wallace Shawn Examines Responsibility

It's hard to nail down specifics in "The Fever," Wallace Shawn's meandering 95-minute monologue that examines the responsibility — and the guilt — of the haves when confronted by the have nots.

Whether you respond to Shawn's 95-minute solo show, which the New Group has revived at off-Broadway's Acorn Theatre, will depend on your connection to the likable performer, whose genial manner hides an impassioned feeling for the poverty and unrest that inflicts much of the world. Some, though, might think of it as chic sermonizing from a comfortable point of view.

The setup is simple. The narrator (Shawn) sits in a chair in what looks like the library of a Manhattan apartment (maybe the Upper West Side) and talks.

Dressed in a natty gray sports jacket, blue shirt and striped tie, he tells the story of finding himself shivering in a hotel room in an unnamed Third World country where a war is going on. An execution is about to take place, and the event sets off a series of ruminations that trip over each other in no particular order.

Among other things, Shawn chatters about some of his nondescript friends — one who was mugged, another whose father has died — and compares their lives to those suffering in the turmoil of the country where he is trapped. Yet neither group of folks comes to life.

Shawn talks about the "beauty" of poor countries and of being poor. "It's a wonderful feeling to have money in a country where most people are poor, to ride in a taxi through horrible slums," he says with only a smidgen of irony.

And he does debate — within himself — whether he should give all his money to the less fortunate. In the end, he does come down on the side of keeping more for himself. "For God's sake, I worked for that money," Shawn rationalizes.

"My feeling in my heart a sympathy for the poor does not change the life of the poor," he muses toward the end of the evening. Well, yes. Shawn's realization at least is honest, although it doesn't provide much insight into what he thinks can be done to alleviate the poverty.

"The Fever" was done at the Public Theater in 1990 in what was a slightly longer version.

This production actually begins before the house lights go down. Shawn already is on stage when the audience enters the theater, and a free glass of champagne (French, no less) is available onstage for those who wish to have a drink before the show. Outrage apparently goes down better in a convivial atmosphere. But that may be the point Shawn is making.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Paris

Tired of broken friendships,
torn apart
and struck again.

Ocean of wisdom,
of broken vessels
and broken hearts.

And finally Paris
My secret city,
My Shangri-La;
Paris of a thousand lights
and as many dreams,
or so it seems.
Land of forgotten debt,
abandoned regret;
You are my salvation,
my shining nowhere;
I will leave my care
behind,
free the mind.

Paris
my future past
the feast that lasts.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Statue of Fraternity


In my neighbourhood in Paris, there is a miniature version of the Statue of Liberty, built in recognition of the gift presented to a young America by its older mentor in 1886, celebrating the centenary of the war of independence. It stands on a crest of land abutting a bridge on the Seine, welcoming the tired, the hungry, the poor barge drivers, pleasure craft owners and tour boat operators entering the inner sanctums of the great city from rural France. One windy winter day, as I stood looking at this dwarfed green replica of the world's greatest symbol of individual freedom, I reflected on the choice of liberty as the prime virtue to be depicted by the statue, and to be the beacon call of America itself.

I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me that, when they studied the national virtues and government structures of their French sponsors in search of a model to adopt, the leaders of the American Revolution placed greater emphasis on the virtue of liberté, the principle of individual freedom, than on fraternité (community, brotherly love) or egalité (equality). What else would we expect from the wealthy landowners and sons of privilege who signed the Declaration of Independence and set the tone for how America’s national values would shape up and evolve over time?

But who would have anticipated that the primacy of this simple principle – liberty – would have such a colossal impact on the whole world for the balance of what I fear will be a comparatively short-lived existence? Liberty, and America’s ongoing pursuit of happiness – at least for the descendents of that landed class of signatories - has informed domestic policies of low taxes for the rich and few services for those in need, little regulation of industries that pollute the planet and exploit impoverished workers in foreign lands while depriving American citizens of jobs at home, a domestic melting pot of fear that sees people living in virtual prisons behind gates and armed guards to keep out the riff-raff, and a gluttonous orgy of consumerism and materialism among the mass population that has spawned an epidemic of obesity, plastic surgery, debt, and diabetes.

And this is not to mention a foreign policy shamelessly and transparently based on “American national interest”. The legacy of American engagement in the world is a literal feast of greed and selfishness of biblical proportion: Its refusal to enter World War II until it was itself attacked left other countries big and small to try to fend off tyranny in its most evil form. Active US support of a host of ruthless dictators from Marcos and Somoza to the Shah of Iran, Pinochet, and the military junta in El Salvador – not to mention the tyrants they set up but ultimately turned on, like Noriega and one Saddam Hussein - resulted in the torture, disappearance and death of thousands, maybe millions…all to protect and preserve American national, and often corporate, interest. I mentioned a few of these names to an American heckler at Speaker’s Corner in London one Sunday, when I could no longer stomach his assertion that “America was a beacon of liberty and freedom for the world”. He stormed off, unwilling to face the fact that America was really only a beacon of liberty and freedom to Americans, and few of them at that.

And now we come to America’s latest project – the “democratization” of the planet – read opening up and securing markets for American consumers, products and services. This policy has seen America (and others) imposing free market democracy on countries that are clearly not ready for it, spreading ethnic hatred and often genocide. Even before the calamity that is Iraq unfolded, Amy Chua wrote a great book called World on Fire, that explores the horrific impact of this policy across the globe. Surely enough has been written about ongoing US efforts to stoke the fires of the Middle East in order to justify its military presence there (and thereby protect its oil reserves).

It is sad, but again perhaps not surprising, that King Louis XVI and his cohorts were not in a position to impart to their American students the other French virtues of brotherly love and equality – before losing their heads. For that matter, is it any wonder that these two old friends, both among the most powerful countries on earth, and each completely enamored of its own sense of self-importance and greatness, spend much of their time these days butting heads and opposing each other's ongoing litany of self-serving policies for the planet?

Don't get me wrong. I admire the US on may levels - the optimism, the boldness, the embrace of the future. But as I stood on that windy day looking at Liberty's "mini-me", I found myself wondering what the last 230 years might have looked like if the French had shipped a “Statue of Fraternity” to New York… if the Americans had only understood the beautiful balance created by the harmony of the three French virtues taken together, or if they had focused on one or both of the others and not liberty. What course would human history have taken? What would the headlines have been through the ages?

Here are just a few of the possibilities that occurred to me:

• 1777 - Washington and Jefferson free their slaves: Declare slavery incompatible with American values of fraternity and equality
• 1778 – Slavery abolished in US
• 1779 – Women given the vote
• 1862 – Lincoln holds conference to resolve North/South issues
• 1864 – Lincoln re-elected
• 1940 – Americans enter war
• 1942 - Victory! – Germany turned out of France; concentration camps discovered
• 1945 – United Nations formed – US promises support and means it
• 1960 – Kennedy elected
• 1964 – Kennedy pulls last US advisors out of Viet Nam
• 1964 – JFK re-elected – introduces sweeping civil rights legislation
• 1965 – Kennedy signs comprehensive nuclear disarmament treaty with Soviet Union
• 1966 – Cold War over!
• 1968 – Robert Kennedy elected president
• 1970 – RFK orders massive FBI sweep to destroy Mafia
• 1972 – Nixon appointed CEO of Disney

OK, so this may be a little extreme. But I submit that the possibility of any or all of these headlines would have grown exponentially if only America (and Americans) placed the same emphasis on fraternity and equality that they do on liberty. Slavery, the American Civil War, the Holocaust, the Viet Nam War, the Cold War, and possibly even the drug epidemic could have been averted, contained or minimized, if only the notion of fraternity and equality had resonated the way liberty did.

What do you think? Go ahead. Dare to dream about what could have been for this planet. Add your own headlines….or feel free to challenge mine.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Darwin Award Variations

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Why a Blog?

Welcome to my blog,

So my parents always thought that people who wrote letters to the editor and the sort were lonely and pathetic. I wrote a few just to piss them off – one was an open letter to the thief who stole my bicycle when I was 15, one was a satirical response to an editorial about the Irish troubles, and one attacked a catholic who had attacked protestants. Nevertheless, notwithstanding my own endless craving for attention and fame, I have maintained a healthy suspicion of bloggers, Speaker's Corner types and others who spend inordinate amounts of time expressing their opinions to strangers in public forums.

I am a talker and story teller by nature and many friends have strongly encouraged me to create a blog....but that still, small voice of my parents lingered in my head.

So what changed my mind? Well, a litany of ramblings in private journals, short stories and novels begun but never finished, uncontrolled rants and raves to anyone who would listen, endless arguments with myself as I walk the dogs - just don't cut it for me anymore. I need to connect, to communicate, to hear and be heard. I am a seeker and I guess a reformer on the enneagram. I have been through the religious thing, the political thing, the self-help thing, the corporate thing, the travel thing, the personal fulfilment thing, and the animal rights thing - well still into animal rights. And still I seek.

I am too old to believe that anyone has a corner on the truth, but just old enough to realize that everyone has a piece of it.

And so, I will try the blog thing to see if I can do my part to impart my piece of the truth and get yours. Perhaps it will go the way of my many half full journals and unfinished stories. Or maybe I'll share my unfinished stories...and maybe you will finish them...and maybe we can get rich together. At the very least, this will give me a cool forum for my thoughts, and I can stop talking to myself as I walk my dogs on the Champs de Mars....and who knows...maybe I will find that "low door in the wall".

And apologies to my parents - who taught me well - but couldn't possibly be right abut everything.